Saturday, January 30, 2010

Small World........

Wednesday -

I'm out at the bars because I don't have to work in the morning. A few hours into the evening, while talking to my friends, a guy approaches me. We have a short conversation, but it was obvious that there was no form of chemistry. NADA. What does he do? He asks for my number. He's in town for a few days, and wants to go out.

Does anyone else understand this concept? No chemistry = please let me have your number. However, I was nice enough to give him my number just so he could leave me alone and let me be with my friends.

Thursday -

I get a text message from the guy. It says something along the lines of "Sorry I was so drunk last night.... Wanna go out this weekend?"

I ignore it.

Friday -

Once again, out at the bars. I run into my friend Taylor, who invites me out to meet some friends of his. I accept!

We enter the bar, and Taylor starts introducing me to his friends.

"Sarah, this is my friend ******. He's visiting in town for a few days."

It was the guy I met at the bar on Wednesday.

The world works in mysterious ways........

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Flight from Hell......part deux.

I flew out of LaGuardia at 7 am, after running on only a few hours of sleep. I get on the airplane and once again, look for a seat towards the back. I finally decided upon an aisle seat(a lesson I learned from the last time). The other two seats were taken by two men. The second I met eyes with the guy sitting next to me....I knew I had made the wrong decision.

I could tell that he thought he had just hit the jackpot....having a woman his age willingly come and sit by him. These are the times that I wished I came to the airport looking as unattractive as possible.

Please don't take this the wrong way. I'm not saying that I'm soooo unfortunately attractive that men want to hit on me all the time. I'm just saying that there are certain men who will jump at ANYTHING...

I don't know what it is about people at airports. First I have Mr. Airplane pilot feeling the need to have a meaningful conversation while I'm reading, and now I'm dealing with Coffee Breath Man.

The reason he deserves this name is that the second he introduced himself, he breath wreaked a combination of cigarettes and coffee.


He finally got the picture, sensing my urge to lean away, and asked for a piece of gum.....since he wasn't smart enough to bring his own.

Coffee Breath begins to tell me how he'd been up all night drinking with his buddies and hadn't even slept yet. It wouldn't have surprised me if he was still drunk. GREAT.....I try to avoid this at the bars. The stewardess comes around asking about drinks. Before this, he hints at the fact that he would like to buy me a drink.

Let me remind you that it's 7:15 in the morning.

I politely tell him that it's a bit too early in the morning for that. What does he do? He ignores me and orders us Bloody Mary's. Now, instead of my glass of water...I have to drink an alcoholic beverage.

Thanks for listening.

He starts to bring up conversation. He is an actor in NYC who also is a comedy writer. One of the networks he writes for is Comedy Central, blah blah blah. None of this stuff is really relevant at this point, when you are drunk, don't listen, and have unruly caterpillars as eyebrows.

So...time goes by, and once again I'm not able to read my book like I would like to. Coffee Breath finishes his 2nd bloody mary as he continues to preach to me why I will never get an opera job by having to pay audition fees. Of course, he's coming from his world of theater, which is a completely different business. Most opera companies charge some form of fee to apply for their company. It sucks, but such is life.

He asks, "Do you know a single person who has gotten a single job as a result of paying for their audition?"


Don't worry, it gets even better. At one point he looks into my eyes and says, "What will it take for you to make out with a stranger on an airplane?"

I was in airplane hell. First trip: unruly children, Second trip: gross, drunk man wanting to make out with you.

He then tries to grab my hand, to which I quickly pull away.

"Why did you pull away?"

"Well...considering I've only known you for two hours, it's a bit too fast."

Coffee Breath has to catch another flight from Chicago, and begs me to have a drink with him when we land. Once's not even 10 AM. Luckily, I have to pick up from sister from Chicago, so that we can go home for Thanksgiving. After much begging and pleading, we finally landed.

I couldn't run away fast enough. I think he got the point.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

To fly or not to fly?

Ok, so I am going to a gig in Madison in February, and I have chosen to fly. The one major perk about flying is the fact that you don't have to worry about driving, at all...unless you count driving to the airport in a panic, hoping you will make your flight.

I have flown quite often the past year in order to make it to auditions in New York City. In the past, my flights to New York have been rather uncomplicated, and actually quite relaxing. However, my first trip in November turned out to be two of the worst flights I've ever been on in my life.

Flight One:

Let's start with the flight to NYC...from Midway airport in Chicago. I was sitting in the terminal, reading, when an airplane pilot sits down and begins to talk to me.

You would think it would be obvious that reading = don't talk to me, however, people at airports don't really think that way.

So, he goes on to ask me why I'm flying to New York. I hesitate to even tell the truth, because once I told him I was a singer on the way to auditions, he responds, "Oh wow! Really? Will you sing something for me?!?!"

This is another topic that I will leave for another day, but it's one of the worst things to ask a singer when they are off the clock....AT AN AIRPORT. I told him no, but of course he continues to bother me. It isn't until I start to get short with him that he finally gets the message and leaves.

Now, on to the flight. I take a seat towards the back, since that is the typical protocal for boarding a plane. I sit in the window seat, waiting to others to sit down. A rather smelly guy decides to sit in the aisle seat.

The smelly guy is not why the flight was bad.

A mother, with a toddler and 8 year old, is distressed because there are only single seats left. Therefore, her son has to sit with *gasp* a stranger. Let me remind you that there is early seating for families, but you actually have to be there on time to take advantage of this.

Since I obviously look like a child molester, there is no way that she'll allow her son to sit in between me and the smelly man. Smelly man decides to be so kind as to give up his seat. So, guess who I'm stuck sitting with....

That's right. 2 1/2 hours with the mother, toddler, and eight year old boy. If I had known that the husband was also on the plane, I would have moved as well.

Here are some fantastic moments, in no particular order:

1. The eight year old taunting his toddler sister, causing her to yell bloodcurdling screams.

2. The eight year old getting out a portable dvd player, and playing it with no headphones.

3. The eight year old getting out a BOP IT.

Yes, I did indeed say a BOP IT. Can it get any worse? I consider myself a patient person, but I have never given so many death stares in my life. You can't really help what a toddler does, but the boy was old enough to know better.

Usually, I bring my headphones. For some reason, I thought that I could read or do something else with my time.

Did I mention that the pilot from earlier, was also on this flight? He was finished with his day, and flying back to NYC. The moment he sees me on the plane, he says, "Hey, Opera Singer, why don't you sing something for me!?!?!?!"

He asked this at the end of the flight...right after the Bop It.

......this was my flight to NYC.

Just wait til you hear about the return flight.